Things We Learned At Monsters University

In America, they are using zombies to teach children about STEM subjects. This is true. We haven’t heard an idea we liked so much since Rajeeb Dey decided to set up a jobs board. Anyway, we like education; we like STEM; and we really, really like zombies. Actually, we’re pretty big on most monsters. And because we’re all inquiring minds here at Enternships, we decided to sit down and work out what we could learn from those top ten monsters. Excluding zombies, obviously. They’re taken. So, without further ado, here’s our very own Monsters University (see, we can be topical).

Whether you got your grades yesterday or not, you’re welcome here. That’s the nice thing about monsters- very friendly. Ish.


1. Werewolves

Shape-shift as necessary; change with the times. And by times, we mean moon.  Change happens, whether you want it to or not. Go with it. Remember when we told you to bite the dog? Do that. Bite all the things.


2. Vampires

What can vampires teach us? Much like sharks, they can teach us about longevity- how to maintain a bloody and despicable and damned stylish brand over time. Because vampires, above all, are stylish. image

Thus can we learn how to cloak residual evils under a handsome and attractive façade. For vampires, it’s the whole undead blood-drinking thing, and skulls. For businesses, spreadsheets, office politics and panic.

3. Trolls

The word troll has taken on a whole new meaning of late: we’ve moved from from the under-the-bridge, massive-club, mossy kind of monster, to the creeping and unpleasant anonymous internetters. The brand, as it were, has gone viral; the troll brand has been co-opted by enthusiastic participants making their own “content”. If by “content” you mean fear, unpleasantness, and strife. As we so often do, here at Enternships.

4. Sasquatch


Sasquatch, or Bigfoot, has one pretty major thing to teach us: the virtue of keeping things dark. Why make a big song and dance before you’re ready to really launch? Fine, sure, give away a few teasers, a la Apple, or a la Bigfoot popping out of the woods to leave a few footprints here and there, but otherwise, stay schtum- and then BURST OUT. Surprisingly. Bigger and better than anyone expected.


5. Godzilla


Here’s what we can learn here: Godzillas come in all shapes and sizes. And they are still fierce. Look how fierce that Godzilla is. Whether in the big city, or (if you look closely) in the bathroom, even tiny Godzillas can wreak havoc on the existing scene. As you can too, dear readers.


7. King Kong

Although there’s an awful lot to be learned from the life and death of the greatest ape the world has ever seen, we think today we’ll point out that even this massive ape harboured unsuspected feelings in that enormous hairy chest. That’s to say, everybody has feelings; remember that everybody has feelings; try not to hurt those feelings too badly. And take them into account when making plans. People (and apes) can do surprising things.


8.  Loch Ness Monster
Here’s one for the Nessie-sceptics: always do your research. Don’t take anything at face value. Or you might end up mistaking a gynaecologist’s rubber submarine (yup) for the real deal. This is true in business, too. It is.


9.  Goblins, Ghouls, the aforementioned Zombies With No Conscience*

Goblins know the value of money- get a goblin doing your accounts, and you’re sorted for life. Every penny accounted for. Know where your money is at all times; know how to get it back from people who owe it to you. Ghouls? Ghouls know how to get everywhere; how to make life miserable for everyone until they get their way. Not that we’re advocating that, of course. And zombies? You’re not reading this properly. Zombies, as we explained right at the beginning, teach STEM.


10. Everybody knows I’m….Great Dread Cthulhu

What can we learn from Cthulhu? What can we learn from Cthulhu? We learn whatever Cthulhu damn well wants to teach us. Are you going to argue with “a monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopus-like head whose face was a mass of feelers, a scaly, rubbery-looking body, prodigious claws on hind and fore feet, and long, narrow wings behind”? No, you’re not…now repeat after’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn…


*Yes, alright. We put our hands up**: this post has been one long excuse to listen to Kanye West of a Friday. But who can blame us? And the monsters remain frightening. And the advice is sound.

**at the concert

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